There are principles of wisdom about ourselves that we sometimes don’t see or remember. What are they? They are truths that were recognized thousands of years ago, and have stood the test of time. Here are a four of them, and some ideas about how to use this knowledge.

About Self Interest

We are self interested. When we sacrifice for others, even this is motivated by our own desires. Those desires include good feelings and wanting to see or make the world the way we want it to be. Forget this, and we become bitter trying to “do the right thing.” In order to avoid this bitterness that comes with “duty”, we need to see how being a good person and doing the right thing is just self interest.

We can also point out the self-interest of others when we want to correct their behavior. Tell a man he’s wrong, and it isn’t usually enough to change his behavior. It’s better to show him his true interest – that behaving in a better way is better for HIM. Don’t forget the normal and healthy self-interest in dealing with others AND with yourself.

About Mistakes

Salvador Dali said, “Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it.” Maybe you see this as negativity, but recognizing the truth is never a negative act. We all make mistakes. The greatest man or woman alive – whoever he or she is – has done some stupid things.

This isn’t an attack on human greatness, but a recognition that it isn’t dependent on doing things perfectly. Perfectionists certainly suffer for their demands upon themselves, while others hesitate to act for fear of mistakes. Accept that making mistakes is normal, and don’t dwell on the the possibility or the reality of those mistakes. As Lao Tzu says, “Do your work, then step back – The only path to serenity.”

About Learning

Our mistakes give us a chance to learn, and so avoid even bigger mistakes. Of course, we also can learn from our successes, and from the successes of others. Why not view mistakes and successes – both our own and others – as the great opportunities they are. Just seize that chance to learn more and so live better.

About Change

Probably you have seen people that appear to learn nothing from their mistakes, right? Haven’t you also known and read about those who turned their lives around? A less important truth is that people often don’t change. The far more important truth to remember, and the most important of these enduring truths, is that we CAN change.

Most people don’t know much about the process of actually committing to their life dreams and goals, because most people don’t keep most of their agreements. Most people add a silent, unconscious modifying phrase to all their commitments: “…as long as it’s not uncomfortable.”

What they don’t realize is that discomfort is one of the values of commitments, one of the reasons for making a commitment in the first place. Within us is an automatic goal-fulfillment mechanism. When we commit to something, we are telling the goal-fulfillment mechanism, “I want this.” The goal-fulfillment mechanism says, “Fine, I’ll arrange for that.” And it does. Among the things it uses – individually or collectively are:

• It looks to see what the lessons are we must learn in order to have our goal then it arranges for those lessons. Sometimes, these lessons come in pleasant ways (we notice an article on what we need to know in a magazine; a conversation with a friend reveals something to us; a song on the radio has a line that tells us something important). At other times, the lessons are unpleasant (someone we must listen to – a boss, for example – tells us “in no uncertain terms” what we need to know; or we get sick, and the doctor tells us what we need to do “or else”).

• The goal-fulfillment mechanism sees what is in the way of us having what we want, and removes it. Again, sometimes this can be pleasant (if the goal is a new car, someone offers us a great price for our old car), or unpleasant (our car is stolen, totaled or breaks down altogether).

In order to have something new, our comfort zone must be expanded to include that new thing. The bigger the new thing, the greater the comfort zone must expand. And comfort zones are most often expanded through discomfort.

When people don’t understand that being uncomfortable is part of the process, they use the discomfort as a reason not to do. Then they don’t get what they want. We must learn to tolerate discomfort in order to grow.

This process of growth is known as “grist for the mill.” When making flour in an old stone mill, it is necessary to add gravel to the wheat before grinding it. This gravel is known as grist. The small stones that make up the grist rub against the grain as the mill wheel passes over them. The friction causes the wheat to be ground into a fine powder. If it wasn’t for the grist, the wheat would only be crushed. To grind wheat fine enough for flour requires grist. After the grinding, the grist is sifted out, and only the flour remains.

We all have habits, some good and some not so good. These are behaviors that we’ve learned and that occur almost automatically. And most of us have a habit we’d like to break, or one we’d like to develop.

For most people, it takes about four weeks for a new behavior to become routine, or habit. The following steps can make it easier to establish a new behavior pattern.

1. The first step is to set your goal. Especially when you are trying to stop or break a habit, you should try to phrase your goal as a positive statement. For example, instead of saying “I will quit snacking at night”, say “I will practice healthy eating habits”. You should also write down your goal. Commiting it to paper helps you to commit. It can also help if you tell your goal to someone you trust.

2. Decide on a replacement behavior. (If your goal is to develop a new habit then your replacement behavior will be the goal itself.) This step is very important when you are trying to break a habit. If you want to stop a behavior, you must have a superior behavior to put in it’s place. If you don’t, the old behavior pattern will return.

3. Learn and be aware of your triggers. Behavior patterns don’t exist independently. Often, one habit is associated with another part of your regular routine. For instance, in the snacking example the trigger may be late night television or reading. You automatically grab a bag of chips while you watch. Many people who smoke automatically light up after eating. Think about when and why you do the thing you want to quit.

4. Post reminders to yourself. You can do this by leaving yourself notes in the places where the behavior usually occurs. Or you can leave yourself a message on the mirror, refrigerator, computer monitor or some other place where you will see it regularly. You can also have a family member or co-worker use a particular phrase to remind you of your goal.

5. Get help and support from someone. This is kind of obvious. Any job is easier with help. It works even better if you can form a partnership with someone who shares the same goal.

6. Write daily affirmations. Write your phrase or sentence in the present tense (as if it were already happening), and write it ten times a day for twenty-one days. This process helps make your goal a part of your subconscious, which will not only remind you to practice the new behavior, but it also keeps you focused and motivated.

7. Reward yourself for making progress at set time intervals. Focus on your goal one day at a time, but give yourself a small treat at one, three and six months. The rewards don’t have to be big or expensive, and you should try to make it something that’s associated in some way with the goal. Doing this provides you with both incentive and extra motivation.

Following these steps is no guarantee of success of course. Depending on the habit it may take several tries to finally make the change. But if you stick with it, you can do it. Good Luck.

When looking for relaxation techniques you will find there are many forms. Here is a selection of four techniques you can choose from and use when practicing relaxation.

Relaxation techniques and methods

For a deeper state of relaxation you might want to use a combination of these relaxation techniques.

Relaxation techniques: Meditation
Meditation is a mental exercise. You choose an object or a visual image and focus on it. A popular method is focusing on the breathing. A lot of people prefer the lotus position when doing this exercise. By keeping the spine straight, energies are allowed to flow better.

This helps to develop something called mindfulness. Random thoughts are reduced when mindfulness is being developed. You can be more productive with fewer random thoughts because you can focus on one thing at a time.

Relaxation techniques: Progressive relaxation
Muscles are use with the progressive relaxation technique. This technique is use to help identify the difference between tensed and relaxed muscles. When you can recognise tensed muscles you can consciously relax them.

It is best to lay down when practicing this technique. You should focus on one muscle at a time. Tense the muscle for about 10 seconds. Then consciously relax it. Pause for a moment before moving on to the next muscle. Moving from each muscle from the top of the body through to the toes. After the exercise, each muscle should be totally relaxed. You may want to lay still for a while and enjoy the relaxing feeling.

Relaxation techniques: Breathing
There is a logical reason why breathing exercises helps you to relax. If you are tense you may have noticed you are breathing with your chest. Maybe fast and shallow.

This exercise helps you to get into the habit of breathing using your belly. You can notice the difference if you place one hand on your chest and the other on your belly. Inhale deeply and allow your belly to expand. The hand on your belly should move more.

To do the exercise sit in a comfortable chair. Your back should be straight. Both feet should be flat on the floor.

Inhale deeply through your nose and hold for as long as it feels comfortable. Exhale through your mouth which should be only slightly open. A pause before repeating the process has a better calming result with this exercise.

Relaxation techniques: Imagery
Another powerful technique is visualisation where you use your imagination. Guided imagery is a term often used for this technique. The practitioner imagines being in a calm and pleasant place. It doesn’t have to be a place you have been to. Just as long as it is nice to imagine. The objective is to imagine being in a place where you are surrounded with things that makes you happy.

Used on there own, any one of these techniques can be quite relaxing. Used together you will find that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

If you wish to use a combination of these exercises, start with the progressive muscle exercise to relax you. Use the breathing exercise to maintain the relaxed state. And then use meditation or the imagery exercise to focus your mind and help reduce random thoughts.

Are you at a place in your life where you aren’t attracting the love you want? Has your current relationship lost its sizzle? What prevents you from being ‘in love’? How much energy do you exert NOT to love yourself or others? It takes more effort NOT to love, than to love.

Want More Love and Joy?

In order to make room for what you do want, you have to release and let go of the things you don’t want. To attract what you want, you will want to let go of everything that keeps you away from Love. Like attracts like.

Unless you want to continue on your current path, you are probably overdue of letting go of emotional pain of a break-up, past failures or the need for approval. Maybe you continuously seek recognition at work or have unrealistic expectations for yourself. Thoughts like, “I’m not attractive” or “I will never have a loving relationship” need to be purged.

What You Resist – Persists

As long as you continue to resist painful memories and limiting thoughts and beliefs you create separation. You create separation from your true self. You separate yourself from what you are ‘love’! And, love remains illusive.

Are you resisting painful experiences from your past? Are you doing everything you can to forget the past? Maybe you think that the more you put your past behind you, the less effect it will have on you.

Do you spend hours contemplating problems? When you focus on your problems, they persist. Your contempt for your problems fuels and strengthens them. The more energy you direct to your problems and pain, you create ‘stress’ and ‘dis-ease’.

Are You Holding on to Pain?

Do you find yourself watching endless hours of TV? Are you trying to escape emotional and spiritual pain by taking drugs or alcohol? Do you overeat to escape the pain? Do you use your computer for hours on end to escape? What distractions take you out of being present with what you are feeling? Stored up pain such as hatred, anger, fear, frustration, apathy, depression etc. become scattered in your body and energetic space.

Releasing Stuck Pain or Resistance

If you have ever been light-headed from hunger and then felt a sigh of contentment as you fed your body the perfect meal, you’ve experienced grounding. If you’ve ever melted into the back rub you got from a trusted person at the end of a stressful day, you’ve experienced being grounded.

Grounding is a simple process of connecting to the Earth that many people do naturally throughout the course of a day. Anything that brings you to the sense of pleasure and release is grounding. When you are grounded, you feel centered focused, and present.

People connect with their bodies and the Earth in many ways: through touch and body work, through eating, through being out in nature or in water, through contact with animals and through healthy sex. Visualizing, an imaginary grounding cord, is a way to release foreign energy from your body so that it can experience love and joy.

Create a Path for Releasing to Feel Safe and Happy

A grounding cord provides a way to flush out pent up energy and emotion so you can feel good about yourself. It is a way to move energy as it comes towards you, rather than letting it get stuck in the body. When foreign energy gets stuck in the body, it stops the natural flow of energy and might manifest as depression, a migraine headache, aches, pain, or eventually illness.

Effortless Release Every Day for More Love

Grounding works much like a drain or waterfall. When you pour water down the drain you probably never wonder …”where did it go?” Be patient with yourself and have fun with your new toy. Grounding becomes as natural like breathing or smiling with practice.

Consider releasing other people’s problems, your worries and anxiety that are weighing you down… Keep it simple and stay amused with yourself. Tune into being in harmony with this process of grounding and letting everything go effortlessly.

Grounding is such an invaluable tool in healing yourself that it’s worth taking the time to be sure you can do it easily and comfortably. With practice, you can train yourself to be connected with the earth all of the time. Don’t create any limits for yourself on how much you can release without effort.

Grounding Cord Visualization

To revitalize and refresh your body, mind and spirit take the first step by letting go with grounding. It is always the first step to all the subsequent steps in this book. From the base of your spine, make a connection to the healing planet energy to release excess energy and stabilize your body.
1. Close eyes but stay focused.
• Be aware of own body with your feet flat on the floor.
Create a mental image of line of energy between base of spine and the center of the planet.
• Connect a grounding cord into the center of earth.
• Secure the grounding cord snuggly at the base of your spine.
• Notice your breathing.
• Using the gravitational pull of the planet start to release foreign or stuck energy from your body and aura.
• Notice how your body feels while grounding. Imagine seeing stuck energy draining out of you.

Remember to:
1. Start your day with by grounding yourself.
2. Check in with yourself during the day to see if you have a grounding cord.
3. Notice what happens in your body as you release using your grounding cord.

Grounding is one way to bring your self back into alignment with your essence– love. Practice the following grounding meditation 10-15 minutes each day. The more you practice to better your results.

Amirah © 2006 All Rights Reserved.